[ considering the only people who know about this are the two of them and daichi and that it's been days since it happened, he doesn't think asking for silence is really necessary. it - meaning their drinking together - isn't really the kind of thing either of them should be sharing with people anyway.
ukai's thoughts don't go near being angry. rather, the thought to apologize rises up again before he pushes it aside for the time being. most of what he's thinking is circling around whether or not realizing this is somehow upsetting to asahi. from his reaction and the fact that he's still here, willingly having this conversation at all, ukai thinks it may not be so bad. then again, having the mark without being able to remember getting it might not have the same reaction.
it leaves ukai at a loss for a few moments as his eyes drop to the spot asahi indicates. he can't stop himself from glancing up again, momentarily meeting asahi's eyes as he comes to the conclusion that he doesn't really blame himself for being stupid enough to end up with his mouth on him.
which is an incredibly inappropriate thought as he stares at the ace of the team he coaches and the reason why the next words out of his mouth are a mumbled: ] Oh, god...
[ Anxiety creeps up on Asahi, closing like an unforgiving fist around his throat when Ukai catches his gaze. He's not sure what he'd thought Ukai would say, or look like-- and in reality, it probably doesn't matter how well or badly Ukai reacted, it was all going to come to a head eventually-- but Asahi can't help the way he reacts to Ukai's words.
Asahi looks away, fiercely blinking away the sting of tears in his eyes and nodding, like he agrees with whatever Ukai means by Oh, god.
It was bound to happen at some point, he supposes. Given how sensitive he is, and the ups and downs of the past couple days, the only truly surprising part of all of this is that it took so long to happen. It's just in Asahi's nature, to fill up to the breaking point with these overwhelming feelings of his-- panic and dread and uncertainty all piling on top of each other until they become too much to carry. No one on the team is ever surprised when tears well up in Asahi's eyes, even if they're almost always some degree of uncomfortable around him when it happens.
He really doesn't want to make Ukai uncomfortable-- more uncomfortable than telling him the truth already has. ]
I'm-- [ Asahi tries to swallow his apology and apprehension, but only manages one. His hand lowers from just below his clavicle to clutch at the strap of his school bag, white knuckled and stark against the black of his jacket. ] Obviously you had no intentions of-- and I-- well, I should have kept that to myself. Please, [ He should bow, show his respect for Ukai and the sincerity of his request, but his wobbly voice makes him feel too large and foolish as it is. ] If you can forget about it, I won't mention it again.
[ that same reaction comes up again and nearly leaves his lips a second time as he watches asahi and realizes the reaction he's having. it takes ukai a couple of seconds to realize why asahi looks like he does, registering the way his own words sounded and could easily be taken as a negative thing.
though, really, they sort of are, but it's not about the act at all. it's more to himself, at himself, for the thoughts that cross his mind after hearing what obviously went on between them as showed by the mark left on asahi. he thinks it's a shame neither of them remember it. and that he can't blame himself. and that he might not even mind trying a repeat while sober.
and his words to himself are now about to make asahi cry.
ukai feels like he must be letting all of his sanity go to end up like this right now. and it's as he rubs a hand over his face that he hears asahi trying to apologize for bringing it up in the first place. ] That's not--
[ he pauses long enough to really think about what he's going to say, knowing he's probably damned no matter what he does at this point. ] I didn't say that because it's something I wanna forget.
[ In the uncharacteristic quiet of the gym, Ukai's words are decisive and without malice. Asahi chances a look at him, heat from unshed tears riding high on his cheeks and just below his eyes. The blonde doesn't seem to be trying to hide any meaning, and Asahi probably wouldn't be very good at telling if he were, but there's a straightforwardness in Ukai that makes the tightness in Asahi's throat ease.
Scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his jersey, Asahi tries to convince himself its alright to meet Ukai head on for this conversation. It's the least he can do, after revealing this incendiary bit of information. ] You don't?
[ Hand loosening on his bag's strap, Asahi tries to focus on the familiar parts of this; the wide open space of the gym, the ever-present, slightly metallic smell of equipment, the way the very tips of Ukai's hair flip up around his face. A deep breath, and he feels closer to normal again. Asahi smiles, self-depreciating. ] I mean, its not like... either of us can remember exactly- it's almost like we're supposed to forget. But- I just. I know, how things work...
[ Even though Asahi had, by some miracle, managed to completely evade the topic of the hickey with Daichi, their conversation on Sunday had still strayed to the topic of inappropriate interactions with- well, not quite teachers, but... mentors? Adults? Ukai. ]
[ asahi's offer to never mention it again was the perfect out, one for ukai to just jump on and pretend that, yes, he does want to forget so they can move on and act like none of this happened. maybe unfortunately, he doesn't feel the need to be dishonest about this. they're in similar boats in this and, honestly, ukai thinks he should be the one apologizing to asahi if anyone's going to go that route. he is the one who left the mark, after all.
still, he doesn't try to bring up apologizing or forgetting it. it's hard to forget something they don't remember anyway. ] No, I don't.
[ as asahi speaks and he inwardly agrees about knowing how things work, his eyes momentarily shift to the window nearest to them. no one is outside of it, but ukai suddenly has an acute understanding of why their captain instills a certain amount of fear in them. he'd probably have a heart attack if that face were outside of the window right now. ]
I was thinking I wouldn't be against leaving another mark. [ hello, this is blunt. ] ... After you told me, I mean. That was why I reacted the way I did.
[ he comes close to adding on that he knows how things work and that it isn't a good idea, but he stops himself as he realizes he doesn't actually know what asahi's thinking about this. ]
[ Thank god Asahi isn't privy to Ukai's thoughts, because he'd be out cold just from imagining Daichi outside the window...
As things stand though, he's thinking about consequences of a very different kind- namely, the kind that comes from Ukai saying he wouldn't mind leaving another mark on Asahi. It probably isn't right, that Asahi's heart speeds up a little at the thought, at the prospect of actually remembering it this time- not just running possibilities over and over in his head until he has to splash cool water on his face or force himself out on a jog. Asahi swallows and he's sure the other can hear it, but he's trying to fit this new information into the part of him labeled Ukai gave me a hickey (and I probably really liked it). ]
That makes sense. [ Short, to the point, unhelpful. Asahi should really leave it there. They're already on thin ice as it is-- too many people know what happened at the restaurant, and Daichi knows (most of) what happened after, and there's temptation and then there's reality. ]
You could, y'know. [ Quiet, but he doesn't have to be loud; they're the only two here, and his words are only for Ukai to begin with. Sheepishly, Asahi adds, ] I mean- preferably without the alcohol. I'd like to, uh, remember it this time. [ A blush lights up his face as he realizes how eager that could sound. ] Next! Next time! Whenever- if- I mean. You know.
[ he's having trouble deciding if the space between the two of them is a good thing or something he'd like to get rid of. ukai's not sure that moving closer could even work given that it could just serve to make asahi take a step back in return. and though the only way to find out is to test it, he's not at that point yet.
instead he remains in place thinking about how, yes, they are on thin ice. while the situation isn't exactly dangerous - ukai's not a teacher or even really employed with the school - it's still something worth being cautious over. which he needs to work on at some point, because he doesn't think too much about throwing caution to the wind with the next words out of asahi's mouth. ]
It could be this time. [ and there goes caution. ukai takes a step forward then stops because he's not so distracted by the blush on asahi's face that he can miss where they're at. the gym really isn't the best place for anything like this. ] If you wanna come home with me for a little while.
[ or for the night because it's not like asahi staying at his place would be anything new now. whatever. ]
[ To his credit, Asahi doesn't take a step back. Strangely, he doesn't even think about it, and that has to mean something- like maybe the intention was there, trying to find its way to the forefront, or maybe he likes the way Ukai feels just inside of his space. If he remembers correctly, they'd sat closer than this on Ukai's floor while sharing his last beer, Asahi mostly touching the neck of the bottle and occasionally brushing fingers against Ukai's when he reached over to grab it, grumbling about wasting resources.
The sun slants through the higher windows of the gym at a severe angle, painting everything warm and orange as the day fades, and Asahi has the wild thought that on some level, this probably feels familiar to Ukai-- wasting days in the Karasuno gym as a teen. He wonders what Ukai's memories of Karasuno are. If he might tell Asahi, if he asked.
Blinking at the invitation, kind of gruff and plainly worded, Asahi ducks his head to keep his smile from becoming too wide. A part of him had really thought he'd never be invited back to Ukai's home. ]
Yeah. [ Asahi agrees, feeling somehow brave for agreeing to it. Something wild sparks in him, an impulse, that would normally be tucked away to be marveled at later, but for once, Asahi doesn't feel foolish for it. He shifts his bag on his shoulder and gives Ukai a slow once over, feeling his cheeks heat despite himself, before heading for the exit. ] For a little while.
[ that he doesn't try to put space between them says something to ukai. he doesn't feel so much like he's overstepping if asahi's just as okay with this while sober as he apparently was while they were drunk. there's still no real memory of the two of them doing much of anything, but ukai does remember being comfortable with asahi and, from what he can tell through his own memories and what they know happened, he's sure the feeling was mutual.
is mutual, maybe.
it's easier to relax as he makes note of that smile as asahi ducks his head, a grin spreading across ukai's face as he hears the positive answer a moment later.
the once over stops him from speaking up for a second and it's after asahi moves for the door that ukai finally bothers to close the space as he speaks, his tone a mix of amusement and excitement that he's making no effort to hide. ] I can't believe you just looked at me like that!
[ the doors are pulled open and it isn't until after they exit and he closes the doors to lock them that he falls into step beside asahi, a wide grin on his face as he does. ]
[ Aaaaand there goes his bravado as Ukai mentions what he did. His hands immediately fly up, palms out, as if he could catch the teasing words ringing about the exposed rafters of the gym and muffle them. He's back to his usual polite, pleading when he says, ] Shh!! Not so loud Ukai-san, please!
[ Asahi has to try very hard not to lean his head against the breezeway's beam as Ukai locks up, embarrassment quickly smothering whatever spark of wildness he'd let himself get swept up in. Sometimes, when it really counts, Asahi can tap into that part of himself- but it will be a long time before he's able to use that kind of look with any confidence. Then again, if he could get that reaction from Ukai even half of the time-- that eager widening of his eyes and his sharpened attention. Well, its enough to make him consider trying more often.
Just. Maybe not at school.
He stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets as they walk-- past the fountains on the side of the gym, past the flower beds near the front of the school (A Karasuno Beautification Project, Class 2-C, so says the sign), and beyond the front gates. ]
[ ukai can't help watching the way asahi goes from calm, for the most part, and cool right back to that usual polite, slightly panicked demeanor with some amusement and a lot of amazement. it makes him wonder if asahi even realizes that his cool side actually is cool.
if not, ukai will let him know. one day. right now, he's fine with pushing the keys into his pocket and silently walking beside asahi as they walk along across the school grounds and then off of them. it's something he realizes won't happen often. asahi won't be left behind at the gym so easily by other members of the team. and he's sure daichi will be keeping something of an eye on one or both of them for a little while, if only to make sure there's no attempt at a repeat of the time.
it makes him appreciate the calm of the walk down toward the store and his place. and when he finally breaks the silence, it's with a calm, almost thoughtful remark continuing from the last thing he said. ] I didn't expect it from you, but the look was a good thing.
[ The sound of their shoes on the pavement is familiar, no different for the people in said shoes. This is the way the team usually walks home after practice, when Daichi's feeling generous and offers to buy them meatbuns. It's the way he'll likely walk home tomorrow, with Nishinoya playfully jumping on his back and Hinata using him as cover once he inevitably does something to piss Kageyama off.
Shadows are starting to stretch across the street as the sun heads for the horizon, and beside Ukai, Asahi feels like a peaceful addition to the regular sounds of life continuing on all around them. It's nice, this quiet soft of calm they can share. He wonders what they spoke about while leaning on each other on Ukai's floor, what got him shoved off the sofa in the first place, if he fell asleep before Ukai did or if it happened the other way around...
Thankfully, the sun does what it can to hide the blush that dusts Asahi's cheeks. ] You think so? [ Pulling a hand out of his jacket pocket to brush his hair back, more a habit of comfort than one of necessity. He doesn't really want to sound like he's fishing for compliments, so he follows up with the truth, ] It's scary, to act like that. Especially when you know you're around someone cooler.
[ the truth is still kind of embarrassing though... ]
[ the truth makes ukai let out a quiet laugh, not willing to let out too loud of a sound like it might somehow disturb the moment and call up more movement or noise around them. ] Being older doesn't make me cooler. I was barely on the court when I was on the team and you're the ace!
[ which he knows doesn't really count because asahi isn't going to judge anyone by their time on the court. ukai steps over, leaning in until their arms bump into one another as he lowers his voice, speaking in a playfully loud whisper as he does. ] Besides, you know why I'm your coach, right? It was all for the name.
[ when he steps back over he doesn't leave as much space between them as there was before. not that it really matters. the store is within view and, once they pass it, his place is less than a couple of minutes away. and, lucky for them, there don't seem to be any loud voices coming from the area ahead where the team tends to gather to share or eat whatever they buy if they pop into the store after practice. ]
Anyway, what I mean is get to know people before you think they're cooler than you are. [ and it's really an invitation to say asahi should get to know him before giving him that label, but he thinks that's obvious enough. ]
[ Well. That backfired spectacularly. Now Asahi has no idea what to do with this compliment Ukai's given him. He's clumsy with them at the best of times, unused to and unconvinced of their veracity, but coming from Ukai he really wants it to be more than just flattery to Karasuno's ace. It's exciting to nudge Ukai back, still gentle, but less afraid he's somehow going to hurt him by being genuine, laughing quietly at his terrible stage-whispering. He's trying for teasing, when he lightly ribs, ] And here we all thought it was because you wanted to relive your distant golden years...
[ What Asahi really wants to say is, See? That's what I mean. But he probably wouldn't be able to explain how cool it is that Ukai can take this-- teasing and awkwardness and Asahi-- all in stride. That he doesn't seem to get flustered and how he speaks his mind; plainly, like he knows just what he wants to say. Like he's not afraid he'll say the wrong thing, or be misunderstood. That kind of confidence of self is inherently cool. Not to mention that Ukai seems to simply do as he pleases- bleaching his hair, grumpily mother-henning the team even before he stepped up as their coach, singing folk songs that not even Takeda-sensei seems to know. There's still a lot more he could know about Ukai-- that he'd like to know-- but knowing what he does right now, he doesn't think his conclusion is unfounded. ]
I'd like that. [ Asahi says, because he wants to be clear. With Ukai's store behind them, the area begins to look familiar, and Asahi wonders if it's weird that he knows that. Their elbows almost touch while they walk, and it makes Asahi brave enough to dip right back into teasing, ] But to be fair, I know what you look like in an apron, and I'm still willing to stand by what I said.
[ and he knows you keep emergency febreze behind your sofa..... ]
[ that asahi doesn't so much as sputter or try to deny what ukai's said, whether he accepts the compliment or not, makes him think that maybe they're getting to a good place. one where there's more comfort and less reason for asahi to end up on edge. ukai realizes he likes hearing him laugh and he wonders if the other members of the team - the younger ones or members he's not as close to as he is suga and daichi - have ever really heard him laughing. or if they've been on the other end of his teasing, for that matter.
ukai lets out a loud laugh at the jab asahi aims at him in return for his own playful remark. ] Distant?! Are you calling me old? [ there's nothing but amusement in his voice as he asks, not even able to put on the act of being offended when it's something he's not expecting from asahi in the first place. it's good. he likes it. and he hopes that asahi continues to feel comfortable enough - or brave enough - to go back and forth with him like this.
he can't say he considers himself cool, but he does think he's an easy person to be around more often than not. he doesn't tend to overthink things too much and he can sometimes come off as gruff because of how easily he says what comes to mind, but he's never really thought of those qualities as cool since it's just the way he's become over the years. ]
Oi. [ the apron comment has him grinning and swinging his elbow out to nudge at asahi again, their proximity making it much easier than the first time. ] You know what I look like in an apron and you're coming home with me. I think that I'm allowed to question your taste.
No, of course that's not what I meant at all! [ Asahi denies, waving his hand as if to ward off the misconception between them-- but his denial is hard to believe when he's smiling like he is. Buoyed by Ukai's laughter and his easy liveliness, Asahi feels untethered by his usual worries. He's not distracted by how much space he's taking up or worried that he's going to be mistaken for a criminal by the next person walking by, not that there are too many people out right now. It makes it easier to focus on the man beside him, and how Asahi can see his teeth when he laughs, and how he walks with his hands pushed against the insides of his jacket.
It gives him the freedom to think he really likes the way Ukai wears Karasuno's jacket.
Asahi deflects Ukai's nudging, mostly out of habit-- Nishinoya throws some sharp little elbows-- but a small part of him just wants to meet Ukai halfway. ]
I know, but that's why I'm coming home with you. [ Because Ukai's place is in sight, and- well, that's what Asahi agreed to come home with him for, right? If he thinks about that retort at all he's going to apologize for being too forward. ]
Of course not. [ their talk of age seems like it should make ukai reconsider what they're doing, but the ease of the teasing and conversation in general makes it hard to worry about that yet. it, among other things, is a glaring issue and he can't bring himself to care. not while things are good and there's a feeling of freedom that accompanies asahi's relaxed smile. amusingly, despite the fact that they're talking about where they're heading, it doesn't feel like they're going to do much more than talk. there's a distinct lack of tension and ukai likes it.
they get to his door quickly enough and it's there that he pulls his hands from his pockets, producing his set of keys once more to this time unlock his front door. ]
I don't wear the apron around here, you know. [ the teasing continues even as he pulls the door open and steps inside to slip his shoes off in the entranceway, leading the way rather than ushering asahi along in front of him. ]
[ A part of Asahi is glad his twisting of Ukai's meaning of taste goes unnoticed; or maybe just unmentioned. It keeps him comfortable enough to watch Ukai as he fishes his keys out of his pocket. ( No charms hang from it, and Asahi wonders if that's Ukai's preference or just because he doesn't have any. )
Now that they're here again, Asahi finds himself absently comparing his hazy memories of Saturday night to what must be normal for Ukai. He can remember the way Ukai fumbled with his keys in the lock, boredly cursing under his breath like not being able to get it on the first try is just a side effect of enjoying his night. Following politely behind, Asahi shuts Ukai's front door before unlacing his shoes and slipping them off, setting them next to a worn pair of sandals. ]
Oh, I know that. [ Setting his bag down beside his shoes, Asahi straightens and takes stock of Ukai's entranceway. He's about two steps away from where his shirt spent the night, last time he was here. ] If I remember, you prefer clothing to be left from about here, [ Asahi gestures from Ukai's entranceway to his bedroom. ] To there. Right?
[ Its okay to tease about that now, since they're alone, right? ]
[ unmentioned rather than unnoticed because, while ukai thinks they've fallen into a good rhythm for teasing one another, he's pretty sure that returning more forward teasing will turn asahi into a tomato. and given that they're passing his front door, he doesn't want to say something that will turn things toward awkward, even if only slightly.
though whether that matters is up for debate. once the door is closed behind them and ukai's stepped forward, he turns to look back at asahi again, watching him straighten up. he can't stop the laugh that comes with hearing what's said and, now that they're alone, he doesn't hesitate to move closer again, coming close to backing asahi against the front door. ] Right. Want me to help you with that this time?
[ it's more teasing - the exact forward sort of teasing he'd avoided earlier - but he follows it by immediately raising a hand to the back of asahi's neck and pulling him in to close the couple of inches difference in their heights. the kiss he presses to the ace's lips doesn't last that long and isn't meant to get them too caught up, but it makes up for the temptation and inability to follow through on it in the gym.
when he pulls back, he grins at asahi and steps back, turning to head beyond the entrance as he talks over his shoulder. ] Want something to drink?
[ Asahi has just the briefest of moments to be pleased with himself, with judging the situation correctly and making Ukai laugh again, before he's got Ukai very close. Another step and he'd be pressed against Asahi's front, any further back and Asahi would be flush with the wall, and for a dizzying moment Asahi can see it happening; wants to happen. ]
Ah- [ And Asahi should say something cool, something that will make Ukai want to keep close and maybe even pull him closer-- but Asahi can't think of anything, let alone a come back to something like that, when he's plagued by the mental image of Ukai pulling his shirt off right here.
Thankfully, it turns out he doesn't have to say anything.
The hand on the back of his neck is warm and pulls him down with just the right kind of pressure, coaxing without being demanding. Asahi follows Ukai's lead like maybe they've done this before, or maybe Ukai is just good at this part. Getting there is half the battle, and Asahi is usually too nervous to even try-- or he makes other's too nervous to approach him. But Ukai isn't, and his mouth is dry against Asahi's, and there's nothing to be afraid of here, even with Asahi's heart beating wildly in his chest. It's just a press of lips, more a promise than a start, and Asahi doesn't have himself quite together enough to think to put his hands anywhere on Ukai's body so they can start, before Ukai is releasing his neck and pulling away. ]
Uh- [ Any moment now, his brain is going to come back online, but it would really help if Ukai would stop smiling at him like that... ]
Yes! [ Finally. Swallowing, Asahi has the fleeting thought as Ukai walks to his kitchen, that he may be in for more than he's completely bargained for. ] Just water, please!
[ it's tempting. stepping closer and closing any space left between them to just back asahi against the door and give in to his earlier thoughts and their mutual teasing is very tempting and ukai knows he could give in. it's likely that asahi would go right along with it.
and it's more tempting once his lips are against asahi's because he wants to get a reaction. he wants to know how asahi moves, if he pushes back, where his hands fall... he wants to know what kind of things he draws out of asahi.
but it can all come later. no matter how tempting things can get, ukai's still aware of how much he doesn't want to scare asahi off most of all. even if the kiss backs him off and makes him decide this isn't something he wants to try again right now, he wants to make it obvious that they can sit around and talk. they can fall back into the teasing and pushing at one another and the comfort that seems to come with it.
that's why he pulls back when he does and why he puts distance between them, heading off toward the kitchen with the intention of grabbing water for himself. the acceptance of his offer earns a nod as ukai momentarily disappears from sight to go to the fridge, listening as he does. after a few silent moments, he teasingly calls out: ]
You know you can sit down without an invitation, right? Or does the sofa give you too many hangover flashbacks for that?
[ shortly after that, he emerges from the kitchen with a couple of bottles of water to head to the couch himself. ]
[ Still rooted to the spot in Ukai's entryway, Asahi touches his mouth with his fingertips, lightly. Caught between wondering if he remembers anything similar, and thinking, so that's how he kisses, Asahi is lost in his own world until Ukai's voice startles him out of it. Luckily, Ukai can't see Asahi from the kitchen, and he quickly yanks his hand away from his mouth. ]
Oh- right. [ His words are steadier now, quiet compared to the drumming of blood in his veins. He heads over to the couch and folds himself onto it, one leg bent beneath him while the other rests on the floor. From his seat, he can see into Ukai's kitchen; pushed against the wall is the garbage he'd hung his head in, and stranded on the counter is a glass that didn't make its way into the sink.
He watches Ukai as he returns, water bottles in hand. ] How can I hold anything against your couch, when it saw me through my lowest point?
[ Licking his lips, Asahi tries to look normal, like he's thinking about anything but their kiss.
Its not like Asahi has never been kissed before. Despite the unnecessary (and frankly uncalled for) amount of trouble he seems to have dealing with people, be it on his part or theirs, Asahi has shared kisses with the few people he really wanted to. Kissing isn't new, but wanting to remember a kiss-- well, that is new. Every kiss he's had, he can remember- the good ones, and the more.. uh, unfortunate ones. And now he'll remember this one, that he's shared with Ukai. He can't tell if it feels different, special, because he's unsure if they've done it before, or if it's something else... ]
[ he still hasn't spared as much thought to that night as he probably should. even after the news of the mark he left on asahi, ukai really only wonders about it. he doesn't really wonder how it came about, but he does wonder who started things off. kissing is something he assumes happened, though it's not like he knows for sure. but, knowing himself, he can't really imagine just diving in and leaving a hickey without something else leading to that.
which may be why he's not giving it as much thought, because thinking about what may've happened isn't going to help him right now. he doesn't need the thought of roaming hands or anything else in the back of his mind. ]
I'm sure the couch appreciates that. [ he joins asahi on the couch and hands over one of the bottles of water to him, musing over how this is a familiar scene that's, thankfully, got an entirely different feel to it than the last time. there's no being sick involved. that's always a good thing in his book.
it's shortly after he takes a seat, turning to face asahi, that a look of realization passes over his face. ] If that kiss tasted like smoke, I'm sorry. I should've chewed gum or something before doing that...
[ Accepting the offered water bottle, Asahi holds the cold plastic between his palms. He watches the way Ukai moves, more of a lope now than his previous shuffle, and Asahi can fully understand the change, if Ukai's hangover was anywhere near as debilitating as his own. He's about to ask when the space between Ukai's eyebrows softens, noticeably.
It's sweet. Not the thought of Ukai popping a stick of gum in his mouth only to furiously chew away any lingering taste of the nicotine on his breath; that is definitely more funny, than cute. It's sweet that he's obviously thinking the same thoughts Asahi is; not just going over the kiss for himself, but considering what Asahi must have experienced. Maybe even wondering what Asahi thought about it? ]
Don't be. [ Asahi smiles, feeling flustered and pleased at the same time. Setting his bottle down between his thighs, Asahi fights against the heat that threatens to singe the tips of his ears. ] I want to know what your kisses taste like, normally. Besides- I- uh [ Saying it wasn't long enough to taste anything is true, but also rude. Without thinking, Asahi briefly touches his tongue to his lips, making sure nothing lingers. ] I didn't taste much.
[ he is wondering what asahi thought about it. and he's also wondering whether his sober kissing can live up to his drunk kissing since he doubts going so far as to leave a hickey was something they'd talked about while drinking and decided to try out just for the hell of it. it's a dumb thought to have considering their lack of memories of most of it anyway, but it's still something that crosses his mind.
the cap of his water bottle ends up twisted off without a real thought about it as his eyebrows arch a little at what asahi says. and a little more at what follows. given where they are, it's obvious that asahi's just as interested, but there's something about hearing it that feels almost surprising to ukai no matter how many things are said. ] Well.
[ he does take a second to take a sip of his water and recap the bottle, not wanting to end up with a tipped over bottle and a need for anyone to change pants again. ] If you wanna taste more, we can do that.
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ukai's thoughts don't go near being angry. rather, the thought to apologize rises up again before he pushes it aside for the time being. most of what he's thinking is circling around whether or not realizing this is somehow upsetting to asahi. from his reaction and the fact that he's still here, willingly having this conversation at all, ukai thinks it may not be so bad. then again, having the mark without being able to remember getting it might not have the same reaction.
it leaves ukai at a loss for a few moments as his eyes drop to the spot asahi indicates. he can't stop himself from glancing up again, momentarily meeting asahi's eyes as he comes to the conclusion that he doesn't really blame himself for being stupid enough to end up with his mouth on him.
which is an incredibly inappropriate thought as he stares at the ace of the team he coaches and the reason why the next words out of his mouth are a mumbled: ] Oh, god...
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Asahi looks away, fiercely blinking away the sting of tears in his eyes and nodding, like he agrees with whatever Ukai means by Oh, god.
It was bound to happen at some point, he supposes. Given how sensitive he is, and the ups and downs of the past couple days, the only truly surprising part of all of this is that it took so long to happen. It's just in Asahi's nature, to fill up to the breaking point with these overwhelming feelings of his-- panic and dread and uncertainty all piling on top of each other until they become too much to carry. No one on the team is ever surprised when tears well up in Asahi's eyes, even if they're almost always some degree of uncomfortable around him when it happens.
He really doesn't want to make Ukai uncomfortable-- more uncomfortable than telling him the truth already has. ]
I'm-- [ Asahi tries to swallow his apology and apprehension, but only manages one. His hand lowers from just below his clavicle to clutch at the strap of his school bag, white knuckled and stark against the black of his jacket. ] Obviously you had no intentions of-- and I-- well, I should have kept that to myself. Please, [ He should bow, show his respect for Ukai and the sincerity of his request, but his wobbly voice makes him feel too large and foolish as it is. ] If you can forget about it, I won't mention it again.
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though, really, they sort of are, but it's not about the act at all. it's more to himself, at himself, for the thoughts that cross his mind after hearing what obviously went on between them as showed by the mark left on asahi. he thinks it's a shame neither of them remember it. and that he can't blame himself. and that he might not even mind trying a repeat while sober.
and his words to himself are now about to make asahi cry.
ukai feels like he must be letting all of his sanity go to end up like this right now. and it's as he rubs a hand over his face that he hears asahi trying to apologize for bringing it up in the first place. ] That's not--
[ he pauses long enough to really think about what he's going to say, knowing he's probably damned no matter what he does at this point. ] I didn't say that because it's something I wanna forget.
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Scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his jersey, Asahi tries to convince himself its alright to meet Ukai head on for this conversation. It's the least he can do, after revealing this incendiary bit of information. ] You don't?
[ Hand loosening on his bag's strap, Asahi tries to focus on the familiar parts of this; the wide open space of the gym, the ever-present, slightly metallic smell of equipment, the way the very tips of Ukai's hair flip up around his face. A deep breath, and he feels closer to normal again. Asahi smiles, self-depreciating. ] I mean, its not like... either of us can remember exactly- it's almost like we're supposed to forget. But- I just. I know, how things work...
[ Even though Asahi had, by some miracle, managed to completely evade the topic of the hickey with Daichi, their conversation on Sunday had still strayed to the topic of inappropriate interactions with- well, not quite teachers, but... mentors? Adults? Ukai. ]
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still, he doesn't try to bring up apologizing or forgetting it. it's hard to forget something they don't remember anyway. ] No, I don't.
[ as asahi speaks and he inwardly agrees about knowing how things work, his eyes momentarily shift to the window nearest to them. no one is outside of it, but ukai suddenly has an acute understanding of why their captain instills a certain amount of fear in them. he'd probably have a heart attack if that face were outside of the window right now. ]
I was thinking I wouldn't be against leaving another mark. [ hello, this is blunt. ] ... After you told me, I mean. That was why I reacted the way I did.
[ he comes close to adding on that he knows how things work and that it isn't a good idea, but he stops himself as he realizes he doesn't actually know what asahi's thinking about this. ]
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[ Thank god Asahi isn't privy to Ukai's thoughts, because he'd be out cold just from imagining Daichi outside the window...
As things stand though, he's thinking about consequences of a very different kind- namely, the kind that comes from Ukai saying he wouldn't mind leaving another mark on Asahi. It probably isn't right, that Asahi's heart speeds up a little at the thought, at the prospect of actually remembering it this time- not just running possibilities over and over in his head until he has to splash cool water on his face or force himself out on a jog. Asahi swallows and he's sure the other can hear it, but he's trying to fit this new information into the part of him labeled Ukai gave me a hickey (and I probably really liked it). ]
That makes sense. [ Short, to the point, unhelpful. Asahi should really leave it there. They're already on thin ice as it is-- too many people know what happened at the restaurant, and Daichi knows (most of) what happened after, and there's temptation and then there's reality. ]
You could, y'know. [ Quiet, but he doesn't have to be loud; they're the only two here, and his words are only for Ukai to begin with. Sheepishly, Asahi adds, ] I mean- preferably without the alcohol. I'd like to, uh, remember it this time. [ A blush lights up his face as he realizes how eager that could sound. ] Next! Next time! Whenever- if- I mean. You know.
[ 100% smooth ✓ ]
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instead he remains in place thinking about how, yes, they are on thin ice. while the situation isn't exactly dangerous - ukai's not a teacher or even really employed with the school - it's still something worth being cautious over. which he needs to work on at some point, because he doesn't think too much about throwing caution to the wind with the next words out of asahi's mouth. ]
It could be this time. [ and there goes caution. ukai takes a step forward then stops because he's not so distracted by the blush on asahi's face that he can miss where they're at. the gym really isn't the best place for anything like this. ] If you wanna come home with me for a little while.
[ or for the night because it's not like asahi staying at his place would be anything new now. whatever. ]
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The sun slants through the higher windows of the gym at a severe angle, painting everything warm and orange as the day fades, and Asahi has the wild thought that on some level, this probably feels familiar to Ukai-- wasting days in the Karasuno gym as a teen. He wonders what Ukai's memories of Karasuno are. If he might tell Asahi, if he asked.
Blinking at the invitation, kind of gruff and plainly worded, Asahi ducks his head to keep his smile from becoming too wide. A part of him had really thought he'd never be invited back to Ukai's home. ]
Yeah. [ Asahi agrees, feeling somehow brave for agreeing to it. Something wild sparks in him, an impulse, that would normally be tucked away to be marveled at later, but for once, Asahi doesn't feel foolish for it. He shifts his bag on his shoulder and gives Ukai a slow once over, feeling his cheeks heat despite himself, before heading for the exit. ] For a little while.
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is mutual, maybe.
it's easier to relax as he makes note of that smile as asahi ducks his head, a grin spreading across ukai's face as he hears the positive answer a moment later.
the once over stops him from speaking up for a second and it's after asahi moves for the door that ukai finally bothers to close the space as he speaks, his tone a mix of amusement and excitement that he's making no effort to hide. ] I can't believe you just looked at me like that!
[ the doors are pulled open and it isn't until after they exit and he closes the doors to lock them that he falls into step beside asahi, a wide grin on his face as he does. ]
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[ Asahi has to try very hard not to lean his head against the breezeway's beam as Ukai locks up, embarrassment quickly smothering whatever spark of wildness he'd let himself get swept up in. Sometimes, when it really counts, Asahi can tap into that part of himself- but it will be a long time before he's able to use that kind of look with any confidence. Then again, if he could get that reaction from Ukai even half of the time-- that eager widening of his eyes and his sharpened attention. Well, its enough to make him consider trying more often.
Just. Maybe not at school.
He stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets as they walk-- past the fountains on the side of the gym, past the flower beds near the front of the school (A Karasuno Beautification Project, Class 2-C, so says the sign), and beyond the front gates. ]
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if not, ukai will let him know. one day. right now, he's fine with pushing the keys into his pocket and silently walking beside asahi as they walk along across the school grounds and then off of them. it's something he realizes won't happen often. asahi won't be left behind at the gym so easily by other members of the team. and he's sure daichi will be keeping something of an eye on one or both of them for a little while, if only to make sure there's no attempt at a repeat of the time.
it makes him appreciate the calm of the walk down toward the store and his place. and when he finally breaks the silence, it's with a calm, almost thoughtful remark continuing from the last thing he said. ] I didn't expect it from you, but the look was a good thing.
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Shadows are starting to stretch across the street as the sun heads for the horizon, and beside Ukai, Asahi feels like a peaceful addition to the regular sounds of life continuing on all around them. It's nice, this quiet soft of calm they can share. He wonders what they spoke about while leaning on each other on Ukai's floor, what got him shoved off the sofa in the first place, if he fell asleep before Ukai did or if it happened the other way around...
Thankfully, the sun does what it can to hide the blush that dusts Asahi's cheeks. ] You think so? [ Pulling a hand out of his jacket pocket to brush his hair back, more a habit of comfort than one of necessity. He doesn't really want to sound like he's fishing for compliments, so he follows up with the truth, ] It's scary, to act like that. Especially when you know you're around someone cooler.
[ the truth is still kind of embarrassing though... ]
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[ which he knows doesn't really count because asahi isn't going to judge anyone by their time on the court. ukai steps over, leaning in until their arms bump into one another as he lowers his voice, speaking in a playfully loud whisper as he does. ] Besides, you know why I'm your coach, right? It was all for the name.
[ when he steps back over he doesn't leave as much space between them as there was before. not that it really matters. the store is within view and, once they pass it, his place is less than a couple of minutes away. and, lucky for them, there don't seem to be any loud voices coming from the area ahead where the team tends to gather to share or eat whatever they buy if they pop into the store after practice. ]
Anyway, what I mean is get to know people before you think they're cooler than you are. [ and it's really an invitation to say asahi should get to know him before giving him that label, but he thinks that's obvious enough. ]
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[ What Asahi really wants to say is, See? That's what I mean. But he probably wouldn't be able to explain how cool it is that Ukai can take this-- teasing and awkwardness and Asahi-- all in stride. That he doesn't seem to get flustered and how he speaks his mind; plainly, like he knows just what he wants to say. Like he's not afraid he'll say the wrong thing, or be misunderstood. That kind of confidence of self is inherently cool. Not to mention that Ukai seems to simply do as he pleases- bleaching his hair, grumpily mother-henning the team even before he stepped up as their coach, singing folk songs that not even Takeda-sensei seems to know. There's still a lot more he could know about Ukai-- that he'd like to know-- but knowing what he does right now, he doesn't think his conclusion is unfounded. ]
I'd like that. [ Asahi says, because he wants to be clear. With Ukai's store behind them, the area begins to look familiar, and Asahi wonders if it's weird that he knows that. Their elbows almost touch while they walk, and it makes Asahi brave enough to dip right back into teasing, ] But to be fair, I know what you look like in an apron, and I'm still willing to stand by what I said.
[ and he knows you keep emergency febreze behind your sofa..... ]
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ukai lets out a loud laugh at the jab asahi aims at him in return for his own playful remark. ] Distant?! Are you calling me old? [ there's nothing but amusement in his voice as he asks, not even able to put on the act of being offended when it's something he's not expecting from asahi in the first place. it's good. he likes it. and he hopes that asahi continues to feel comfortable enough - or brave enough - to go back and forth with him like this.
he can't say he considers himself cool, but he does think he's an easy person to be around more often than not. he doesn't tend to overthink things too much and he can sometimes come off as gruff because of how easily he says what comes to mind, but he's never really thought of those qualities as cool since it's just the way he's become over the years. ]
Oi. [ the apron comment has him grinning and swinging his elbow out to nudge at asahi again, their proximity making it much easier than the first time. ] You know what I look like in an apron and you're coming home with me. I think that I'm allowed to question your taste.
[ don't make him febreze you, too, asahi... ]
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It gives him the freedom to think he really likes the way Ukai wears Karasuno's jacket.
Asahi deflects Ukai's nudging, mostly out of habit-- Nishinoya throws some sharp little elbows-- but a small part of him just wants to meet Ukai halfway. ]
I know, but that's why I'm coming home with you. [ Because Ukai's place is in sight, and- well, that's what Asahi agreed to come home with him for, right? If he thinks about that retort at all he's going to apologize for being too forward. ]
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they get to his door quickly enough and it's there that he pulls his hands from his pockets, producing his set of keys once more to this time unlock his front door. ]
I don't wear the apron around here, you know. [ the teasing continues even as he pulls the door open and steps inside to slip his shoes off in the entranceway, leading the way rather than ushering asahi along in front of him. ]
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Now that they're here again, Asahi finds himself absently comparing his hazy memories of Saturday night to what must be normal for Ukai. He can remember the way Ukai fumbled with his keys in the lock, boredly cursing under his breath like not being able to get it on the first try is just a side effect of enjoying his night. Following politely behind, Asahi shuts Ukai's front door before unlacing his shoes and slipping them off, setting them next to a worn pair of sandals. ]
Oh, I know that. [ Setting his bag down beside his shoes, Asahi straightens and takes stock of Ukai's entranceway. He's about two steps away from where his shirt spent the night, last time he was here. ] If I remember, you prefer clothing to be left from about here, [ Asahi gestures from Ukai's entranceway to his bedroom. ] To there. Right?
[ Its okay to tease about that now, since they're alone, right? ]
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though whether that matters is up for debate. once the door is closed behind them and ukai's stepped forward, he turns to look back at asahi again, watching him straighten up. he can't stop the laugh that comes with hearing what's said and, now that they're alone, he doesn't hesitate to move closer again, coming close to backing asahi against the front door. ] Right. Want me to help you with that this time?
[ it's more teasing - the exact forward sort of teasing he'd avoided earlier - but he follows it by immediately raising a hand to the back of asahi's neck and pulling him in to close the couple of inches difference in their heights. the kiss he presses to the ace's lips doesn't last that long and isn't meant to get them too caught up, but it makes up for the temptation and inability to follow through on it in the gym.
when he pulls back, he grins at asahi and steps back, turning to head beyond the entrance as he talks over his shoulder. ] Want something to drink?
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Ah- [ And Asahi should say something cool, something that will make Ukai want to keep close and maybe even pull him closer-- but Asahi can't think of anything, let alone a come back to something like that, when he's plagued by the mental image of Ukai pulling his shirt off right here.
Thankfully, it turns out he doesn't have to say anything.
The hand on the back of his neck is warm and pulls him down with just the right kind of pressure, coaxing without being demanding. Asahi follows Ukai's lead like maybe they've done this before, or maybe Ukai is just good at this part. Getting there is half the battle, and Asahi is usually too nervous to even try-- or he makes other's too nervous to approach him. But Ukai isn't, and his mouth is dry against Asahi's, and there's nothing to be afraid of here, even with Asahi's heart beating wildly in his chest. It's just a press of lips, more a promise than a start, and Asahi doesn't have himself quite together enough to think to put his hands anywhere on Ukai's body so they can start, before Ukai is releasing his neck and pulling away. ]
Uh- [ Any moment now, his brain is going to come back online, but it would really help if Ukai would stop smiling at him like that... ]
Yes! [ Finally. Swallowing, Asahi has the fleeting thought as Ukai walks to his kitchen, that he may be in for more than he's completely bargained for. ] Just water, please!
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and it's more tempting once his lips are against asahi's because he wants to get a reaction. he wants to know how asahi moves, if he pushes back, where his hands fall... he wants to know what kind of things he draws out of asahi.
but it can all come later. no matter how tempting things can get, ukai's still aware of how much he doesn't want to scare asahi off most of all. even if the kiss backs him off and makes him decide this isn't something he wants to try again right now, he wants to make it obvious that they can sit around and talk. they can fall back into the teasing and pushing at one another and the comfort that seems to come with it.
that's why he pulls back when he does and why he puts distance between them, heading off toward the kitchen with the intention of grabbing water for himself. the acceptance of his offer earns a nod as ukai momentarily disappears from sight to go to the fridge, listening as he does. after a few silent moments, he teasingly calls out: ]
You know you can sit down without an invitation, right? Or does the sofa give you too many hangover flashbacks for that?
[ shortly after that, he emerges from the kitchen with a couple of bottles of water to head to the couch himself. ]
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Oh- right. [ His words are steadier now, quiet compared to the drumming of blood in his veins. He heads over to the couch and folds himself onto it, one leg bent beneath him while the other rests on the floor. From his seat, he can see into Ukai's kitchen; pushed against the wall is the garbage he'd hung his head in, and stranded on the counter is a glass that didn't make its way into the sink.
He watches Ukai as he returns, water bottles in hand. ] How can I hold anything against your couch, when it saw me through my lowest point?
[ Licking his lips, Asahi tries to look normal, like he's thinking about anything but their kiss.
Its not like Asahi has never been kissed before. Despite the unnecessary (and frankly uncalled for) amount of trouble he seems to have dealing with people, be it on his part or theirs, Asahi has shared kisses with the few people he really wanted to. Kissing isn't new, but wanting to remember a kiss-- well, that is new. Every kiss he's had, he can remember- the good ones, and the more.. uh, unfortunate ones. And now he'll remember this one, that he's shared with Ukai. He can't tell if it feels different, special, because he's unsure if they've done it before, or if it's something else... ]
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which may be why he's not giving it as much thought, because thinking about what may've happened isn't going to help him right now. he doesn't need the thought of roaming hands or anything else in the back of his mind. ]
I'm sure the couch appreciates that. [ he joins asahi on the couch and hands over one of the bottles of water to him, musing over how this is a familiar scene that's, thankfully, got an entirely different feel to it than the last time. there's no being sick involved. that's always a good thing in his book.
it's shortly after he takes a seat, turning to face asahi, that a look of realization passes over his face. ] If that kiss tasted like smoke, I'm sorry. I should've chewed gum or something before doing that...
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It's sweet. Not the thought of Ukai popping a stick of gum in his mouth only to furiously chew away any lingering taste of the nicotine on his breath; that is definitely more funny, than cute. It's sweet that he's obviously thinking the same thoughts Asahi is; not just going over the kiss for himself, but considering what Asahi must have experienced. Maybe even wondering what Asahi thought about it? ]
Don't be. [ Asahi smiles, feeling flustered and pleased at the same time. Setting his bottle down between his thighs, Asahi fights against the heat that threatens to singe the tips of his ears. ] I want to know what your kisses taste like, normally. Besides- I- uh [ Saying it wasn't long enough to taste anything is true, but also rude. Without thinking, Asahi briefly touches his tongue to his lips, making sure nothing lingers. ] I didn't taste much.
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the cap of his water bottle ends up twisted off without a real thought about it as his eyebrows arch a little at what asahi says. and a little more at what follows. given where they are, it's obvious that asahi's just as interested, but there's something about hearing it that feels almost surprising to ukai no matter how many things are said. ] Well.
[ he does take a second to take a sip of his water and recap the bottle, not wanting to end up with a tipped over bottle and a need for anyone to change pants again. ] If you wanna taste more, we can do that.
[ which sounds a lot worse than he intends. ]
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i thought i'd replied to this and only just realized i messed up. :( i'm sorry!
no worries! we cool we cool [ thumbs up emoji! ]