[ the general regret of getting asahi drunk enough to end up hungover fades in the days following the incident, but his curiosity about what was said on the phone to daichi remains in place.
they've had one day of practice come and go with no mention of anything, but it's not as if he's really stopped either of them to try to make conversation about it. and it doesn't occur to him to actually ask about it until long after practice is over for the day anyway.
so it's after practice the following day, a couple of days after waking up to find asahi at his place, that he catches the team ace after he's done in the club room and about to head out. ]
[ In the days that follow his waking up on Ukai's floor, clad in his coach's shirt with a raging hangover, Asahi makes a few discoveries and forcibly puts a few more from his mind. Anyone who knows him, would laugh at the idea of Asahi-- anxious, careful Asahi-- breaking the rules; let alone lying to his parents to spend the night getting drunk enough with his coach to forget most of what happened during it.
That's exactly how Asahi would like to keep things, actually.
When Monday comes and goes, with Ukai not acting any differently and Daichi only raising his eyebrow at him when he catches him looking (only to redouble his efforts to not look), Asahi starts to relax. Tuesday's practice ends, similarly uneventful, and Asahi goes about his routine thinking, maybe this really wasn't that weird. Maybe I'm just overthinking things agai--
Ukai's voice startles him. ] Uh- of course, Coach Ukai.
[ ukai's thoughts about that night haven't strayed far beyond what he actually remembers. he knows they brought more beer to his place with them and that, after asahi changed clothes, they kept drinking. he remembers more laughter than he thinks he's ever heard from asahi while sober. and he recalls something about the two of them watching television together, but everything else remains fuzzy at best.
the only thing he's curious enough to question is the phone call. it's the only thing he's spent some real time wondering about, he assumes it's because his voice was likely in the background for it.
aside from that, he's fine with writing things off and falling back into their normal routine. that's why he decides to just ask about it - it makes more sense to bring it up now than to question it a week or two later. ]
Walk with me? [ he nods back in the direction of the gym. ] I was wondering. Did Sawamura tell you what ended up being said on the phone that night?
[ Mostly packed, Asahi nods and shrugs his black Karasuno volleyball club jacket on over his plain white T-shirt. Slinging his school bag over his shoulder, Asahi follows Ukai out of the club room, only pausing at the door to slip his shoes on. ]
Oh, yeah. [ Asahi hopes it isn't plainly evident on his face just how awkward a conversation that had been. Truth be told, it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it was going to be (even he has to admit, few things are), but it was something he could have gone the rest of his life without really thinking about- let alone, actively talking through with one of his closest friends. Shoulder to shoulder with Ukai, Asahi humbly ducks his head at the memory as they walk to the gym. ] It wasn't anything uh, [ incriminating, sits on the tip of his tongue, but Asahi wrangles it back. ] worth worrying about.
[ This late in the day, only the truly dedicated and the miserable are still on campus; Karasuno strangely quiet with the lack of activity in a space normally teeming with it. ] As it turns out, you called him, using my phone.
[ considering the way asahi looks about many things, ukai doesn't think much of the look that briefly crosses his face at the mention of that conversation. honestly, he thinks it can't be that bad. he may only be their coach, but he's got no doubt that daichi would've brought things up to him if he had any real concerns. and he hasn't noticed the team captain acting any different in their last couple of practices.
so hearing it isn't worth worrying about doesn't really surprise him. what does is the news of who made the phone call in the first place. ]
I did it? [ the surprise reflects in his voice as he looks over at asahi and raise an eyebrow. ] What'd I call him for?
[ People don't immediately see why Daichi is so scary, especially when they're older and only privy to the respectful, helpful side of Karasuno's captain; but in time, they all figure it out. One of these days, Ukai...
Still, Asahi finds himself amused at Ukai's reaction. He'd had a similar reaction when Daichi finally stopped pulling what little information he could from Asahi, and told him what he'd heard. It really isn't a laughing matter, but something lighthearted and mirthful clings to Asahi's words as he explains. ]
For... whatever reason, I was telling a story that involved Daichi-- the first time Sugawara made him lunch? [ Asahi glances over, to see if there's any sign that Ukai has a clue of what he's talking about. It isn't a very flattering story, so he barrels on, not wanting to give too much time, lest Ukai ask for the story again. ] But I, uh, kept laughing too hard to finish telling it, [ A small cringe at the thought. Even if he can't remember losing control of himself so entirely in front of Ukai, it's still embarrassing to think about. He hopes he didn't make a fool of himself- or, in the more likely chance that he did, that Ukai doesn't remember him smiling broadly and acting unrestrained. ] So you grabbed my phone and called Daichi to ask him how the story ended.
[ He shrugs at Ukai's raised eyebrow, smiling sheepishly. ] Apparently you didn't find it very funny.
[ oh, he's seen his fair share of that side of daichi. he's just never been on the receiving end of anything worth finding scary. not yet, anyway. remaining on the respectful side might not always be in his future if there's ever another night like the one they're discussing.
the reveal of the reason behind the phone call lives up to asahi's warning of it being nothing to worry about, which isn't surprising since asahi seems unlikely to be able to hide much of anything while being questioned. ukai doesn't feel compelled to ask about the story after hearing his own reaction to it while drunk, but he does end up letting out a laugh as he raises a hand to rub at the back of his neck. ]
I don't remember the call, but I remember your laughing. [ an amused grin settles on his lips. ] From what I can remember, you're a really happy drunk.
[ when they reach the gym, he stops outside of the door. ] He didn't give you too hard a time over the call, did he?
[ Asahi's liver (among other things) is in no way prepared for a repeat of Saturday night. After talking with Daichi, he's more than aware of the reasons why any kind of repeat would be a bad idea- but watching Ukai laugh and rub at his neck is easy. He can see why the idea to hang out with Ukai had seemed like a sensible one, after an ill-advised cup of sake.
Even though Ukai's statement isn't meant to be teasing, Asahi wilts a bit self-consciously at his words. ] How embarrassing... [ Which, maybe isn't the nicest thing to say, he realizes, belatedly. ] I mean, I remember having a good time, but I don't remember if I [ how to say this..? ] acted appropriately or not.
[ In... any sense of the phrase. Asahi tries to keep a neutral, non-affected expression. In truth, he only manages to look slightly sea-sick, but it's fleeting when Ukai asks about Daichi. ]
It's not a bad thing! [ it's especially not a bad thing when seeing asahi on a normal day makes him seem like he could turn out to be a mopey drunk. or a worried drunk, as the situation seems to have brought on enough of that after all. ] You acted appropriately enough, I'm sure. It's not like I'm gonna hold anything against you, Azumane.
[ ukai might've overlooked the worry about how he acted if it wasn't accompanied by a look vaguely similar to the one asahi had after they'd woken up. as suspected, he's really not that great at keeping a straight face while trying to hide things.
wanting to avoid the possibility of any remaining members of the team walking by and stopping to talk to them, he moves into the gym and talks over his shoulder. ]
[ His first, and most natural, knee-jerk reaction to the threat of a potentially uncomfortable conversation is to turn tail and run. It's a cowards reaction, and anyone would (rightfully) suspect it of him, but he can't help it.
Which is why he's surprised when faced with the white star on the back of Ukai's baby blue shirt as he just... walks away from him, leaving Asahi every opportunity to bolt. Daichi would have done something terrifying, like stare him down with the threat of chasing him down written all over his face, and Suga would have forcibly dragged him in by his ear; but Ukai gives him the benefit of the doubt. Or, more likely, an out.
Talking to Ukai isn't difficult, or scary, and he's not being forced to do it. He could leave, right now- if he wanted to. ]
I mean- [ Following Ukai inside, and sliding the gym's door shut behind him. They just swept, it wouldn't do for dirt to get blown in and ruin their hard work. ] Daichi always gives me a hard time. It's kind of... how he is, with me. But it wasn't bad. He just wanted to know what happened, and, uh, why it happened...
[ he's aware of the chance of asahi continuing right on by the door and off toward the front gates of the school to get away from the potential of this conversation. he won't give chase or shout after him or even bring up the topic again if he does decide to run.
and while ukai knows it's a possibility, he expects asahi to follow him inside anyway. maybe because he feels like there's a certain amount of understanding between them because of the shared, stupid drinking situation. or maybe just because he thinks of himself as a decently approachable person when he's not actively trying to chase certain people out of his store.
when he turns around, he's not disappointed. ] I've noticed how he is with you.
[ an admittance, but nothing more than that. he's not judging their friendship since it seems to be a good one despite the hard time given. ] Why... we were drinking together?
[ ukai pauses after his question as he watches asahi. ] You didn't remember anything else, did you?
[ When all is said and done, theirs really is a good friendship. The world is too tough a place to live in without friends, high school too grueling an experience to weather without people by your side, and there's very little Suga or Daichi wouldn't do for Asahi if he asked. He's not sure if all friendships are the way his are, or if the way he perceives his relationships with others are how others view the very same relationship, but from Ukai's tone, he must understand-- at least a little, if his interactions with the neighborhood association guys are any indication.
Asahi nods. ] Like I said, I'm not typically very fond of drinking even when-- [ Glancing at Ukai, Asahi swallows the admission that sometimes the group manages to get their hands on alcohol and use it as a bonding exercise. It's obvious that's where he was going, but Ukai might appreciate the benefits of plausible deniability when it comes to his team and their occasional delinquent activities. ] Uh, it doesn't matter. The point is, Daichi was worried. About me.
[ Deliberately avoiding eye contact with Ukai is probably the most obvious tell of all, but his stomach flips at the question. The thing is, he does remember some more about that night. Once he'd gotten home, and could think beyond the pounding in his head, he'd laid in his bed, caught between curiosity and anxiousness. Most of what he remembers is still disjointed and without context, but he remembers most of how they got to Ukai's, remembers getting playfully pushed away by a bare foot to the head, remembers watching Ukai smoke from very close...
Still, the things he can't remember but can't ignore are... more important. ] Yeah, uhm, some of it. Everything is still blank for you?
[ he's not so far out of high school that he's forgotten how much friends are needed during that time, so he does understand - both the need and how strong their friendship likely is. considering how much the three seniors have been through together on the court alone, it's reasonable to think their friendship will be a lot like his own in the way they've extended beyond high school. he hopes that's the case for them, at least.
the admission - or the lack of a full one - makes ukai chuckle. he doesn't push for asahi to say anything else about it or comment on the fact that it happens and he'll turn a blind eye as long as they're not doing it in front of him or showing up to practice in a questionable state. it's not like he avoided alcohol during his years in high school. ] I'm not surprised that he was.
[ it's hard to miss the way asahi refuses to look him in the eye after the question and his curiosity climbs up a notch at both that reaction and the answer. instead of asking, though, he shakes his head in reply. ]
Not completely. I remember your laughing and us on the couch. And us on the floor in front of the couch while I was smoking. The television was on, but I don't know if we actually watched anything. [ he has a brief thought of hoping he didn't let asahi smoke, though it seems a little misplaced after getting him drunk. ] What else have you got?
[ Ukai's sharing brings Asahi's attention back to him, more interested in what Ukai has to say than what will be easily read off Asahi's own face. The way Ukai talks makes it seem like he doesn't mind sharing these memories, or having made them with Asahi in the first place. It didn't take a conversation with Daichi to recognize that he probably should, although that was definitely one of the overarching topics of the conversation, but Asahi is glad Ukai doesn't seem to regret it. Asahi doesn't.
Of course, what he regrets, and what he can remember are two very different things. ]
Honestly, I don't remember much more than that. [ Asahi offers up, and because it's mostly true, Asahi doesn't look like he's trying to endure his leg getting crushed by a bear trap or something equally terrible. In the quiet of the gym, without the squeaking of sneakers and short, enthusiastic shouts from his teammates, Asahi swears he can hear the blood rush in his ears. He hopes he isn't blushing, and that thought causes the very tips of his ears to burn. He's not above evading the truth, and at times, even flat out lying, but it feels wrong to do it here. Not in this place, where he tries so hard to give it his all.
( Maybe it's also a little bit who he's with; though he's going to need more time to tell if its the man or the coach that brings the honesty out of him. ) ]
But there is something else that... you may want to know about.
[ outside of the general regret over getting one of his players drunk - something he'd feel no matter who it might've been with - he doesn't actually regret the time with asahi. the memories aren't bad ones and, once some time passes, he's sure he'll look back on it with more amusement than he already does and he hopes asahi feels the same way about it.
hearing that they've got about the same memories of the night satisfies ukai's curiosity for a few seconds. then he finds himself watching asahi start to blush and it doesn't even take hearing what he says to know there's more. ukai finds himself caught between thinking this is a good time to end the conversation for both of them and the intense need to know, no matter how bad it may be.
it's not hard to say which side wins out in the end. ]
What is it?
[ a number of things run through his mind, but he doesn't make any move to offer a guess when things range from highly questionable to completely innocent. ]
[ Overreactions are par for the course with Asahi-- he knows that he has the tendency to take things personally or entirely too seriously. Any other time and Ukai's cautiousness would be perfectly founded.
Asahi's fingers curl into his palms, fists forming at his side as he fights shoulders that instinctively try to raise when embarrassment wells within him. What he should tell Ukai and what Ukai needs to know should be the same thing, but probably aren't. There's a saying about letting sleeping dogs lie, but Asahi doesn't know what to do with this information; not without memory of the context to put it into perspective.
More than anything, Asahi just hopes Ukai doesn't get mad. ]
Well, it's ah- complicated, you could say. [ it really isn't. ] And, like I said, I'm not really sure how it happened- which, of all the things I do remember, I really think I should have remembered getting that- [ he can feel his blush bleeding down his neck, a wildfire across his skin. ] But- uh, when I got home, I noticed- [ there are some words easier to say than others, but right now, they're all kind of awkward. what is the most appropriate terminology to use here? ] A... mark?
[ Nervously, Asahi looks over at Ukai to see if his meaning has gotten across yet. Or, at all. ]
[ the longer he watches asahi, the more he thinks he knows where this is going. and it's got nothing to do with his shirt or cigarettes or anything else on the totally innocent side of the spectrum of his thoughts.
ukai doesn't know how to feel about that. or, worse, that he's not sure it's something he'll say he regrets. maybe that's easier to claim while being in the dark to both what it is and to his own memory of things, though.
regardless of his feelings on it, hearing what asahi says is clear enough. he might've questioned just hearing that he found a mark - that could be any number of things, really - but what he says leading up to it gives away exactly the kind of mark it is. and ukai can't stop the way his mouth falls open a little or the blush that creeps up along his own neck, slowly warming his face as he searches for something to say. an apology? asking asahi to never mention it? asking if daichi knows about that, too? ]
... Where's it at?
[ probably not the best question to follow that with. ]
[ But, it kind of is-- the best question to follow with, that is. Ukai apologizing would just warrant a hundred of Asahi's own, and asking for his silence-- well. Asahi isn't stupid, nor is he a braggart.
Asahi's pretty sure his heart isn't anywhere near where it anatomically should be, and he's nervous. He doesn't want Ukai to react badly, in any sense of the word. He doesn't want what was an otherwise fun memory to be ruined by the knowledge that something happened. Asahi isn't a child, he knows how the world works. Some men do things while drunk that they wouldn't do sober-- that they would get angry about being reminded of doing while sober. While Ukai hasn't given Asahi any indication that he might react that way, waking up to another man on your floor is vastly different from being told you put your mouth on him.
Biting the inside of his cheek and fighting against the almost painful squirming in his chest, Asahi touches just below his right clavicle. The mark, about three to four inches below his collar, is barely there anymore, but he's acutely aware of it's presence. ] I didn't see it until I went to shower. I took your shirt off- [ which his mother hadn't even questioned... ] and I mean- it was, uh. [ Asahi checks to make sure he isn't pissing Ukai off with his oversharing. ] Pretty obvious.
[ considering the only people who know about this are the two of them and daichi and that it's been days since it happened, he doesn't think asking for silence is really necessary. it - meaning their drinking together - isn't really the kind of thing either of them should be sharing with people anyway.
ukai's thoughts don't go near being angry. rather, the thought to apologize rises up again before he pushes it aside for the time being. most of what he's thinking is circling around whether or not realizing this is somehow upsetting to asahi. from his reaction and the fact that he's still here, willingly having this conversation at all, ukai thinks it may not be so bad. then again, having the mark without being able to remember getting it might not have the same reaction.
it leaves ukai at a loss for a few moments as his eyes drop to the spot asahi indicates. he can't stop himself from glancing up again, momentarily meeting asahi's eyes as he comes to the conclusion that he doesn't really blame himself for being stupid enough to end up with his mouth on him.
which is an incredibly inappropriate thought as he stares at the ace of the team he coaches and the reason why the next words out of his mouth are a mumbled: ] Oh, god...
[ Anxiety creeps up on Asahi, closing like an unforgiving fist around his throat when Ukai catches his gaze. He's not sure what he'd thought Ukai would say, or look like-- and in reality, it probably doesn't matter how well or badly Ukai reacted, it was all going to come to a head eventually-- but Asahi can't help the way he reacts to Ukai's words.
Asahi looks away, fiercely blinking away the sting of tears in his eyes and nodding, like he agrees with whatever Ukai means by Oh, god.
It was bound to happen at some point, he supposes. Given how sensitive he is, and the ups and downs of the past couple days, the only truly surprising part of all of this is that it took so long to happen. It's just in Asahi's nature, to fill up to the breaking point with these overwhelming feelings of his-- panic and dread and uncertainty all piling on top of each other until they become too much to carry. No one on the team is ever surprised when tears well up in Asahi's eyes, even if they're almost always some degree of uncomfortable around him when it happens.
He really doesn't want to make Ukai uncomfortable-- more uncomfortable than telling him the truth already has. ]
I'm-- [ Asahi tries to swallow his apology and apprehension, but only manages one. His hand lowers from just below his clavicle to clutch at the strap of his school bag, white knuckled and stark against the black of his jacket. ] Obviously you had no intentions of-- and I-- well, I should have kept that to myself. Please, [ He should bow, show his respect for Ukai and the sincerity of his request, but his wobbly voice makes him feel too large and foolish as it is. ] If you can forget about it, I won't mention it again.
[ that same reaction comes up again and nearly leaves his lips a second time as he watches asahi and realizes the reaction he's having. it takes ukai a couple of seconds to realize why asahi looks like he does, registering the way his own words sounded and could easily be taken as a negative thing.
though, really, they sort of are, but it's not about the act at all. it's more to himself, at himself, for the thoughts that cross his mind after hearing what obviously went on between them as showed by the mark left on asahi. he thinks it's a shame neither of them remember it. and that he can't blame himself. and that he might not even mind trying a repeat while sober.
and his words to himself are now about to make asahi cry.
ukai feels like he must be letting all of his sanity go to end up like this right now. and it's as he rubs a hand over his face that he hears asahi trying to apologize for bringing it up in the first place. ] That's not--
[ he pauses long enough to really think about what he's going to say, knowing he's probably damned no matter what he does at this point. ] I didn't say that because it's something I wanna forget.
[ In the uncharacteristic quiet of the gym, Ukai's words are decisive and without malice. Asahi chances a look at him, heat from unshed tears riding high on his cheeks and just below his eyes. The blonde doesn't seem to be trying to hide any meaning, and Asahi probably wouldn't be very good at telling if he were, but there's a straightforwardness in Ukai that makes the tightness in Asahi's throat ease.
Scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his jersey, Asahi tries to convince himself its alright to meet Ukai head on for this conversation. It's the least he can do, after revealing this incendiary bit of information. ] You don't?
[ Hand loosening on his bag's strap, Asahi tries to focus on the familiar parts of this; the wide open space of the gym, the ever-present, slightly metallic smell of equipment, the way the very tips of Ukai's hair flip up around his face. A deep breath, and he feels closer to normal again. Asahi smiles, self-depreciating. ] I mean, its not like... either of us can remember exactly- it's almost like we're supposed to forget. But- I just. I know, how things work...
[ Even though Asahi had, by some miracle, managed to completely evade the topic of the hickey with Daichi, their conversation on Sunday had still strayed to the topic of inappropriate interactions with- well, not quite teachers, but... mentors? Adults? Ukai. ]
[ asahi's offer to never mention it again was the perfect out, one for ukai to just jump on and pretend that, yes, he does want to forget so they can move on and act like none of this happened. maybe unfortunately, he doesn't feel the need to be dishonest about this. they're in similar boats in this and, honestly, ukai thinks he should be the one apologizing to asahi if anyone's going to go that route. he is the one who left the mark, after all.
still, he doesn't try to bring up apologizing or forgetting it. it's hard to forget something they don't remember anyway. ] No, I don't.
[ as asahi speaks and he inwardly agrees about knowing how things work, his eyes momentarily shift to the window nearest to them. no one is outside of it, but ukai suddenly has an acute understanding of why their captain instills a certain amount of fear in them. he'd probably have a heart attack if that face were outside of the window right now. ]
I was thinking I wouldn't be against leaving another mark. [ hello, this is blunt. ] ... After you told me, I mean. That was why I reacted the way I did.
[ he comes close to adding on that he knows how things work and that it isn't a good idea, but he stops himself as he realizes he doesn't actually know what asahi's thinking about this. ]
[ Thank god Asahi isn't privy to Ukai's thoughts, because he'd be out cold just from imagining Daichi outside the window...
As things stand though, he's thinking about consequences of a very different kind- namely, the kind that comes from Ukai saying he wouldn't mind leaving another mark on Asahi. It probably isn't right, that Asahi's heart speeds up a little at the thought, at the prospect of actually remembering it this time- not just running possibilities over and over in his head until he has to splash cool water on his face or force himself out on a jog. Asahi swallows and he's sure the other can hear it, but he's trying to fit this new information into the part of him labeled Ukai gave me a hickey (and I probably really liked it). ]
That makes sense. [ Short, to the point, unhelpful. Asahi should really leave it there. They're already on thin ice as it is-- too many people know what happened at the restaurant, and Daichi knows (most of) what happened after, and there's temptation and then there's reality. ]
You could, y'know. [ Quiet, but he doesn't have to be loud; they're the only two here, and his words are only for Ukai to begin with. Sheepishly, Asahi adds, ] I mean- preferably without the alcohol. I'd like to, uh, remember it this time. [ A blush lights up his face as he realizes how eager that could sound. ] Next! Next time! Whenever- if- I mean. You know.
[ he's having trouble deciding if the space between the two of them is a good thing or something he'd like to get rid of. ukai's not sure that moving closer could even work given that it could just serve to make asahi take a step back in return. and though the only way to find out is to test it, he's not at that point yet.
instead he remains in place thinking about how, yes, they are on thin ice. while the situation isn't exactly dangerous - ukai's not a teacher or even really employed with the school - it's still something worth being cautious over. which he needs to work on at some point, because he doesn't think too much about throwing caution to the wind with the next words out of asahi's mouth. ]
It could be this time. [ and there goes caution. ukai takes a step forward then stops because he's not so distracted by the blush on asahi's face that he can miss where they're at. the gym really isn't the best place for anything like this. ] If you wanna come home with me for a little while.
[ or for the night because it's not like asahi staying at his place would be anything new now. whatever. ]
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they've had one day of practice come and go with no mention of anything, but it's not as if he's really stopped either of them to try to make conversation about it. and it doesn't occur to him to actually ask about it until long after practice is over for the day anyway.
so it's after practice the following day, a couple of days after waking up to find asahi at his place, that he catches the team ace after he's done in the club room and about to head out. ]
Azumane, can I talk to you for a second?
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That's exactly how Asahi would like to keep things, actually.
When Monday comes and goes, with Ukai not acting any differently and Daichi only raising his eyebrow at him when he catches him looking (only to redouble his efforts to not look), Asahi starts to relax. Tuesday's practice ends, similarly uneventful, and Asahi goes about his routine thinking, maybe this really wasn't that weird. Maybe I'm just overthinking things agai--
Ukai's voice startles him. ] Uh- of course, Coach Ukai.
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the only thing he's curious enough to question is the phone call. it's the only thing he's spent some real time wondering about, he assumes it's because his voice was likely in the background for it.
aside from that, he's fine with writing things off and falling back into their normal routine. that's why he decides to just ask about it - it makes more sense to bring it up now than to question it a week or two later. ]
Walk with me? [ he nods back in the direction of the gym. ] I was wondering. Did Sawamura tell you what ended up being said on the phone that night?
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Oh, yeah. [ Asahi hopes it isn't plainly evident on his face just how awkward a conversation that had been. Truth be told, it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it was going to be (even he has to admit, few things are), but it was something he could have gone the rest of his life without really thinking about- let alone, actively talking through with one of his closest friends. Shoulder to shoulder with Ukai, Asahi humbly ducks his head at the memory as they walk to the gym. ] It wasn't anything uh, [ incriminating, sits on the tip of his tongue, but Asahi wrangles it back. ] worth worrying about.
[ This late in the day, only the truly dedicated and the miserable are still on campus; Karasuno strangely quiet with the lack of activity in a space normally teeming with it. ] As it turns out, you called him, using my phone.
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so hearing it isn't worth worrying about doesn't really surprise him. what does is the news of who made the phone call in the first place. ]
I did it? [ the surprise reflects in his voice as he looks over at asahi and raise an eyebrow. ] What'd I call him for?
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Still, Asahi finds himself amused at Ukai's reaction. He'd had a similar reaction when Daichi finally stopped pulling what little information he could from Asahi, and told him what he'd heard. It really isn't a laughing matter, but something lighthearted and mirthful clings to Asahi's words as he explains. ]
For... whatever reason, I was telling a story that involved Daichi-- the first time Sugawara made him lunch? [ Asahi glances over, to see if there's any sign that Ukai has a clue of what he's talking about. It isn't a very flattering story, so he barrels on, not wanting to give too much time, lest Ukai ask for the story again. ] But I, uh, kept laughing too hard to finish telling it, [ A small cringe at the thought. Even if he can't remember losing control of himself so entirely in front of Ukai, it's still embarrassing to think about. He hopes he didn't make a fool of himself- or, in the more likely chance that he did, that Ukai doesn't remember him smiling broadly and acting unrestrained. ] So you grabbed my phone and called Daichi to ask him how the story ended.
[ He shrugs at Ukai's raised eyebrow, smiling sheepishly. ] Apparently you didn't find it very funny.
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the reveal of the reason behind the phone call lives up to asahi's warning of it being nothing to worry about, which isn't surprising since asahi seems unlikely to be able to hide much of anything while being questioned. ukai doesn't feel compelled to ask about the story after hearing his own reaction to it while drunk, but he does end up letting out a laugh as he raises a hand to rub at the back of his neck. ]
I don't remember the call, but I remember your laughing. [ an amused grin settles on his lips. ] From what I can remember, you're a really happy drunk.
[ when they reach the gym, he stops outside of the door. ] He didn't give you too hard a time over the call, did he?
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Even though Ukai's statement isn't meant to be teasing, Asahi wilts a bit self-consciously at his words. ] How embarrassing... [ Which, maybe isn't the nicest thing to say, he realizes, belatedly. ] I mean, I remember having a good time, but I don't remember if I [ how to say this..? ] acted appropriately or not.
[ In... any sense of the phrase. Asahi tries to keep a neutral, non-affected expression. In truth, he only manages to look slightly sea-sick, but it's fleeting when Ukai asks about Daichi. ]
No, of course not.
[ Liiiiiies. ]
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[ ukai might've overlooked the worry about how he acted if it wasn't accompanied by a look vaguely similar to the one asahi had after they'd woken up. as suspected, he's really not that great at keeping a straight face while trying to hide things.
wanting to avoid the possibility of any remaining members of the team walking by and stopping to talk to them, he moves into the gym and talks over his shoulder. ]
Come in here and tell me the truth.
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Which is why he's surprised when faced with the white star on the back of Ukai's baby blue shirt as he just... walks away from him, leaving Asahi every opportunity to bolt. Daichi would have done something terrifying, like stare him down with the threat of chasing him down written all over his face, and Suga would have forcibly dragged him in by his ear; but Ukai gives him the benefit of the doubt. Or, more likely, an out.
Talking to Ukai isn't difficult, or scary, and he's not being forced to do it. He could leave, right now- if he wanted to. ]
I mean- [ Following Ukai inside, and sliding the gym's door shut behind him. They just swept, it wouldn't do for dirt to get blown in and ruin their hard work. ] Daichi always gives me a hard time. It's kind of... how he is, with me. But it wasn't bad. He just wanted to know what happened, and, uh, why it happened...
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and while ukai knows it's a possibility, he expects asahi to follow him inside anyway. maybe because he feels like there's a certain amount of understanding between them because of the shared, stupid drinking situation. or maybe just because he thinks of himself as a decently approachable person when he's not actively trying to chase certain people out of his store.
when he turns around, he's not disappointed. ] I've noticed how he is with you.
[ an admittance, but nothing more than that. he's not judging their friendship since it seems to be a good one despite the hard time given. ] Why... we were drinking together?
[ ukai pauses after his question as he watches asahi. ] You didn't remember anything else, did you?
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Asahi nods. ] Like I said, I'm not typically very fond of drinking even when-- [ Glancing at Ukai, Asahi swallows the admission that sometimes the group manages to get their hands on alcohol and use it as a bonding exercise. It's obvious that's where he was going, but Ukai might appreciate the benefits of plausible deniability when it comes to his team and their occasional delinquent activities. ] Uh, it doesn't matter. The point is, Daichi was worried. About me.
[ Deliberately avoiding eye contact with Ukai is probably the most obvious tell of all, but his stomach flips at the question. The thing is, he does remember some more about that night. Once he'd gotten home, and could think beyond the pounding in his head, he'd laid in his bed, caught between curiosity and anxiousness. Most of what he remembers is still disjointed and without context, but he remembers most of how they got to Ukai's, remembers getting playfully pushed away by a bare foot to the head, remembers watching Ukai smoke from very close...
Still, the things he can't remember but can't ignore are... more important. ] Yeah, uhm, some of it. Everything is still blank for you?
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the admission - or the lack of a full one - makes ukai chuckle. he doesn't push for asahi to say anything else about it or comment on the fact that it happens and he'll turn a blind eye as long as they're not doing it in front of him or showing up to practice in a questionable state. it's not like he avoided alcohol during his years in high school. ] I'm not surprised that he was.
[ it's hard to miss the way asahi refuses to look him in the eye after the question and his curiosity climbs up a notch at both that reaction and the answer. instead of asking, though, he shakes his head in reply. ]
Not completely. I remember your laughing and us on the couch. And us on the floor in front of the couch while I was smoking. The television was on, but I don't know if we actually watched anything. [ he has a brief thought of hoping he didn't let asahi smoke, though it seems a little misplaced after getting him drunk. ] What else have you got?
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Of course, what he regrets, and what he can remember are two very different things. ]
Honestly, I don't remember much more than that. [ Asahi offers up, and because it's mostly true, Asahi doesn't look like he's trying to endure his leg getting crushed by a bear trap or something equally terrible. In the quiet of the gym, without the squeaking of sneakers and short, enthusiastic shouts from his teammates, Asahi swears he can hear the blood rush in his ears. He hopes he isn't blushing, and that thought causes the very tips of his ears to burn. He's not above evading the truth, and at times, even flat out lying, but it feels wrong to do it here. Not in this place, where he tries so hard to give it his all.
( Maybe it's also a little bit who he's with; though he's going to need more time to tell if its the man or the coach that brings the honesty out of him. ) ]
But there is something else that... you may want to know about.
[ Or may really, really not. ]
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hearing that they've got about the same memories of the night satisfies ukai's curiosity for a few seconds. then he finds himself watching asahi start to blush and it doesn't even take hearing what he says to know there's more. ukai finds himself caught between thinking this is a good time to end the conversation for both of them and the intense need to know, no matter how bad it may be.
it's not hard to say which side wins out in the end. ]
What is it?
[ a number of things run through his mind, but he doesn't make any move to offer a guess when things range from highly questionable to completely innocent. ]
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Asahi's fingers curl into his palms, fists forming at his side as he fights shoulders that instinctively try to raise when embarrassment wells within him. What he should tell Ukai and what Ukai needs to know should be the same thing, but probably aren't. There's a saying about letting sleeping dogs lie, but Asahi doesn't know what to do with this information; not without memory of the context to put it into perspective.
More than anything, Asahi just hopes Ukai doesn't get mad. ]
Well, it's ah- complicated, you could say. [ it really isn't. ] And, like I said, I'm not really sure how it happened- which, of all the things I do remember, I really think I should have remembered getting that- [ he can feel his blush bleeding down his neck, a wildfire across his skin. ] But- uh, when I got home, I noticed- [ there are some words easier to say than others, but right now, they're all kind of awkward. what is the most appropriate terminology to use here? ] A... mark?
[ Nervously, Asahi looks over at Ukai to see if his meaning has gotten across yet. Or, at all. ]
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ukai doesn't know how to feel about that. or, worse, that he's not sure it's something he'll say he regrets. maybe that's easier to claim while being in the dark to both what it is and to his own memory of things, though.
regardless of his feelings on it, hearing what asahi says is clear enough. he might've questioned just hearing that he found a mark - that could be any number of things, really - but what he says leading up to it gives away exactly the kind of mark it is. and ukai can't stop the way his mouth falls open a little or the blush that creeps up along his own neck, slowly warming his face as he searches for something to say. an apology? asking asahi to never mention it? asking if daichi knows about that, too? ]
... Where's it at?
[ probably not the best question to follow that with. ]
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Asahi's pretty sure his heart isn't anywhere near where it anatomically should be, and he's nervous. He doesn't want Ukai to react badly, in any sense of the word. He doesn't want what was an otherwise fun memory to be ruined by the knowledge that something happened. Asahi isn't a child, he knows how the world works. Some men do things while drunk that they wouldn't do sober-- that they would get angry about being reminded of doing while sober. While Ukai hasn't given Asahi any indication that he might react that way, waking up to another man on your floor is vastly different from being told you put your mouth on him.
Biting the inside of his cheek and fighting against the almost painful squirming in his chest, Asahi touches just below his right clavicle. The mark, about three to four inches below his collar, is barely there anymore, but he's acutely aware of it's presence. ] I didn't see it until I went to shower. I took your shirt off- [ which his mother hadn't even questioned... ] and I mean- it was, uh. [ Asahi checks to make sure he isn't pissing Ukai off with his oversharing. ] Pretty obvious.
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ukai's thoughts don't go near being angry. rather, the thought to apologize rises up again before he pushes it aside for the time being. most of what he's thinking is circling around whether or not realizing this is somehow upsetting to asahi. from his reaction and the fact that he's still here, willingly having this conversation at all, ukai thinks it may not be so bad. then again, having the mark without being able to remember getting it might not have the same reaction.
it leaves ukai at a loss for a few moments as his eyes drop to the spot asahi indicates. he can't stop himself from glancing up again, momentarily meeting asahi's eyes as he comes to the conclusion that he doesn't really blame himself for being stupid enough to end up with his mouth on him.
which is an incredibly inappropriate thought as he stares at the ace of the team he coaches and the reason why the next words out of his mouth are a mumbled: ] Oh, god...
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Asahi looks away, fiercely blinking away the sting of tears in his eyes and nodding, like he agrees with whatever Ukai means by Oh, god.
It was bound to happen at some point, he supposes. Given how sensitive he is, and the ups and downs of the past couple days, the only truly surprising part of all of this is that it took so long to happen. It's just in Asahi's nature, to fill up to the breaking point with these overwhelming feelings of his-- panic and dread and uncertainty all piling on top of each other until they become too much to carry. No one on the team is ever surprised when tears well up in Asahi's eyes, even if they're almost always some degree of uncomfortable around him when it happens.
He really doesn't want to make Ukai uncomfortable-- more uncomfortable than telling him the truth already has. ]
I'm-- [ Asahi tries to swallow his apology and apprehension, but only manages one. His hand lowers from just below his clavicle to clutch at the strap of his school bag, white knuckled and stark against the black of his jacket. ] Obviously you had no intentions of-- and I-- well, I should have kept that to myself. Please, [ He should bow, show his respect for Ukai and the sincerity of his request, but his wobbly voice makes him feel too large and foolish as it is. ] If you can forget about it, I won't mention it again.
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though, really, they sort of are, but it's not about the act at all. it's more to himself, at himself, for the thoughts that cross his mind after hearing what obviously went on between them as showed by the mark left on asahi. he thinks it's a shame neither of them remember it. and that he can't blame himself. and that he might not even mind trying a repeat while sober.
and his words to himself are now about to make asahi cry.
ukai feels like he must be letting all of his sanity go to end up like this right now. and it's as he rubs a hand over his face that he hears asahi trying to apologize for bringing it up in the first place. ] That's not--
[ he pauses long enough to really think about what he's going to say, knowing he's probably damned no matter what he does at this point. ] I didn't say that because it's something I wanna forget.
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Scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his jersey, Asahi tries to convince himself its alright to meet Ukai head on for this conversation. It's the least he can do, after revealing this incendiary bit of information. ] You don't?
[ Hand loosening on his bag's strap, Asahi tries to focus on the familiar parts of this; the wide open space of the gym, the ever-present, slightly metallic smell of equipment, the way the very tips of Ukai's hair flip up around his face. A deep breath, and he feels closer to normal again. Asahi smiles, self-depreciating. ] I mean, its not like... either of us can remember exactly- it's almost like we're supposed to forget. But- I just. I know, how things work...
[ Even though Asahi had, by some miracle, managed to completely evade the topic of the hickey with Daichi, their conversation on Sunday had still strayed to the topic of inappropriate interactions with- well, not quite teachers, but... mentors? Adults? Ukai. ]
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still, he doesn't try to bring up apologizing or forgetting it. it's hard to forget something they don't remember anyway. ] No, I don't.
[ as asahi speaks and he inwardly agrees about knowing how things work, his eyes momentarily shift to the window nearest to them. no one is outside of it, but ukai suddenly has an acute understanding of why their captain instills a certain amount of fear in them. he'd probably have a heart attack if that face were outside of the window right now. ]
I was thinking I wouldn't be against leaving another mark. [ hello, this is blunt. ] ... After you told me, I mean. That was why I reacted the way I did.
[ he comes close to adding on that he knows how things work and that it isn't a good idea, but he stops himself as he realizes he doesn't actually know what asahi's thinking about this. ]
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[ Thank god Asahi isn't privy to Ukai's thoughts, because he'd be out cold just from imagining Daichi outside the window...
As things stand though, he's thinking about consequences of a very different kind- namely, the kind that comes from Ukai saying he wouldn't mind leaving another mark on Asahi. It probably isn't right, that Asahi's heart speeds up a little at the thought, at the prospect of actually remembering it this time- not just running possibilities over and over in his head until he has to splash cool water on his face or force himself out on a jog. Asahi swallows and he's sure the other can hear it, but he's trying to fit this new information into the part of him labeled Ukai gave me a hickey (and I probably really liked it). ]
That makes sense. [ Short, to the point, unhelpful. Asahi should really leave it there. They're already on thin ice as it is-- too many people know what happened at the restaurant, and Daichi knows (most of) what happened after, and there's temptation and then there's reality. ]
You could, y'know. [ Quiet, but he doesn't have to be loud; they're the only two here, and his words are only for Ukai to begin with. Sheepishly, Asahi adds, ] I mean- preferably without the alcohol. I'd like to, uh, remember it this time. [ A blush lights up his face as he realizes how eager that could sound. ] Next! Next time! Whenever- if- I mean. You know.
[ 100% smooth ✓ ]
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instead he remains in place thinking about how, yes, they are on thin ice. while the situation isn't exactly dangerous - ukai's not a teacher or even really employed with the school - it's still something worth being cautious over. which he needs to work on at some point, because he doesn't think too much about throwing caution to the wind with the next words out of asahi's mouth. ]
It could be this time. [ and there goes caution. ukai takes a step forward then stops because he's not so distracted by the blush on asahi's face that he can miss where they're at. the gym really isn't the best place for anything like this. ] If you wanna come home with me for a little while.
[ or for the night because it's not like asahi staying at his place would be anything new now. whatever. ]
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i thought i'd replied to this and only just realized i messed up. :( i'm sorry!
no worries! we cool we cool [ thumbs up emoji! ]